


The Wand of Fertility

by hitokiridarkempress



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bottom Tony Stark, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Knotting, M/M, Mpreg, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Sexual Humor, Top Stephen Strange, do not copy to another site, mpreg tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 11:44:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20929679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitokiridarkempress/pseuds/hitokiridarkempress
Summary: Tony says he wishes he could have Stephen’s babies, and Stephen’s dick goes, “As you wish.”





	The Wand of Fertility

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Todo269’s fantastic Ironstrange art. And I’m putting my own spin to it. Yeah Stephen has a magic dick, and like the cloak of levitation, it has a mind of its own. >:D>:D>:D>:D>:D

If anyone asked Tony what his favorite ride is. He’ll happily announce his favorite ride is Stephen’s dick which he is currently getting hammered by said dick. Lying on his back on the bed, legs wrapped against Stephen’s waist and just enjoying getting filled, Tony’s life is looking pretty good so far. Of course, knowing Tony, he’d just jinxed himself. Because while thoroughly enjoying getting railed by his boyfriend, Tony says things that really shouldn’t be taken seriously.

“I want to have your babies” is just wishful thinking. Both Stephen and Tony know it’s just bedroom talk and it will never happen since Tony lacks the necessary parts. However, magic is weird and Stephen’s dick thought otherwise and goes, “as you wish.”

At first Tony morosely thought he hit that age where his looks are starting to go. The moobs starting showing and he noticed he’s gaining a slight pooch in his belly. That’s ok; he’ll lay off the donuts and hit the gym more. At least Stephen doesn’t seem to mind…

The next week Tony noticed he’s getting tired way too easily. He used to get 40 hour work binges easily on coffee. Even with his usual amount (“2 gallons of coffee a day boss is not healthy” “MUTE FRIDAY!”) he’s not getting more productive. Then there’s this weird stomach bug he’s getting in the morning and he feels bloated and gross. He ignores FRIDAY’s instructions on cutting back on coffee. Cutting back on coffee…sacrilege!

When finally enjoying a lazy day with Stephen drinking hot cocoa, Tony thinks it would be funny to play a small joke on his boyfriend. Consider it payback for all the insult Stephen likes to joke about he’s the perfect housewife. He is a billionaire, former playboy, genius, philanthropist superhero bottoming to a powerful magic user. Sure he’s super protective of his pseudo-kids, and his boyfriend. And he always makes sure they all have enough to eat and takes care of them but he is not a housewife!

“Stephen, I’m pregnant.” Right after Stephen is taking a big gulp which is currently being spat out. Tony: 1, Stephen: 0.

Tony knows he should feel bad as his boyfriend is freaking out on how he’s going to be a father, so he lets him panic for one minute before letting him in on the joke.

“Stephen just relax! I’m a guy, how can I be pregnant?” Tony is laughing at the absurdity of it all.

And that’s when FRIDAY chimes in.

“Actually boss, my scan shows you’re 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Congratulations!”

Tony.exe has stopped working. Stephen is screaming in horror at the news.

* * *

Stephen is going to strangle Wong.

“Honestly Stephen didn’t you read the beginner’s book of sexual magic? You would have known that only strong magic casters will have this problem and your innate desires will trigger it. Congratulations on being a father!” Wong says with a perfectly straight face before closing the portal in front of his face.

“You and your wand of fertility got me pregnant!” Tony is screaming at the top of his lungs. Stephen is just staring down at his crotch still trying to figure out how his body could betray him like this.

Unfortunately for the couple, one nosy trespasser heard Tony yelling about the “wand of fertility” comment and promptly posted about it on twitter which got picked up by several newspapers and news sites. And everyone lost their damn minds.

**IRON MAN, IRON MOM?**

**IRON MAN PREGNANT!**

**IRON MAN MAKES AN IRON BABY!**

**TONY STARK FIRST PREGNANT MAN!**

**WAND OF FERTILITY, GODSEND OR DEVIL’S INSTRUMENT?**

“Tony! I can’t believe you’ve gotten pregnant without getting married first! And I had to find out about it on Twitter no less.” Rhodey complained while Tony is staring morosely at his ultra-sounds, sure enough there’s a little blob inside of him. Stephen is still staring at the results wishing if he stared hard enough; the results would change in front of his eyes. 

“I didn’t think I could get pregnant. It’s not like Stephen did it deliberately…” Tony muttered, as he grabs a cup of coffee. Rhodey snatches the cup from his hand. Tony shoots him a betrayed look.

“Rhodey, what the hell?! That’s my coffee!” Tony complains as he tries to grab his coffee back. Rhodey is still keeping it out of Tony’s reach. FRIDAY interjects on Rhodey’s behalf, “Boss, due to your delicate condition. Caffeine will stunt your child’s growth. Due to your caffeine addiction, you will be reduced to 2 cups of coffee per day for 2 weeks before switching to decaf and then be weaned off during the remainder of your pregnancy in order to not add any more stress to your body.”

“Yeah, Tony. Think about the baby. No more coffee for you.” Rhodey gives out a shit-eating grin before sipping on Tony’s coffee. Tony is silent staring at Rhodey before turning onto Stephen, “YOU DID THIS TO ME!” Before crying and running out of the room.

Stephen just looks at floor in dejection. Rhodey shakes his head, “Go after your wife Stephen. He didn’t mean it, it’s just hormones. Or you gonna let Tony be a single mom?” Stephen’s head snaps up, glares at him before running after Tony.

Tony is lying curled up in bed. Pregnant…he’s going to be a dad…well…mom. But still, he’s going to have a real baby. Oh God, what does Stephen think of all this? Does Stephen even want it? What if Stephen wants to break up because of this? Does he even want to have a kid?

Who is he kidding? Of course he’s going to want to keep the kid.

‘This is all my fault.’ Stephen thinks as he sees Tony crying. “Tony…I’m sorry I put you in this position. I will support whatever decision you want. If you don’t want the baby…” Stephen trails off already anticipating Tony’s answer.

Tony stops crying before glaring at him. “How can you think of me like that?! Of course I wanted to have your babies. I’m mad at you for getting me knocked up before we got married. Now are you going to make an honest man out of me or not?”

Stephen blinked, before smiling, “Anthony Edward Stark, will you do me honor of marrying me and carry my child?” Tony kisses him before chiding him, “Do you even have to ask?”

* * *

With a quick and very private marriage ceremony thanks to Pepper who got Godmother rights. Tony and Stephen were quite happy at being prospective parents though the first few months of pregnancy were not quite peaceful. With Tony getting weaned off on coffee, his mood swings are now infamous. With Tony snapping and actually attacking people (Rhodey) who dare taunt him with the smell of a fresh dark roasted coffee. Stephen is getting well acquainted to the couch every time he gets tricked into holding coffee in front of Tony’s face.

“Tony I’m sorry!” “How dare you talk to me after what you did!”

Of course with the news of men can get pregnant via magical means. Stephen spent a lot of time fighting off villains who tried to steal several artifacts or several assassination attempts because some villains do not want to be cursed into having babies. At least the crime rate went down when the rumor started. Stephen wisely decided not to let anyone know exactly how he gotten Tony pregnant. It’s none of their own business anyway…and there are some artifacts that do procure magical pregnancy. Which all of them are currently locked up in a pocket dimension never to see the light of day. No thanks to Wong…

Then there are the many foiled kidnapping attempts on Tony’s person. Sometimes it’s an organization that wants to figure out how Tony’s pregnancy worked. And sometimes it’s a surprise baby shower ran by villainesses who somehow adopted Tony into their circle once they found out Tony really is pregnant with a baby. Then there’s the regular villains threatening him for giving women the idea of men getting pregnant which those villains got their asses handed to them by the protective villainesses. At least some people are happy for his pregnancy..

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE! YOU DON’T GET TO TOUCH ME WITHOUT A CONDOM!”

Tony is screaming at the top of his lungs as he is giving birth. Magic did not half-ass his pregnancy at all. He is an unhappy owner of a pair of C-cup size working moobs, he’s got 2 babies in his belly, and he is currently trying to squeeze out said babies via a magic vagina. Oh why didn’t they do a C-section? But _noooo_, they have to do it the old fashioned way. Fuck his life and fuck magic too. Stephen is on the other side of the room. He rather keep his hands, Tony bit a few people and broke a couple of hands during his contractions.

Several painful hours later, Tony and Stephen are crying over their newborn son and daughter. And Tony thinks that finally he gets to be happy and enjoy his small family.

* * *

A couple months later…

“Please don’t tell me the condom broke…”

“Uh…”

“GET OFF ME! GET IT OUT!”

“Didn’t you read the book Stephen? Modern contraceptives don’t work.” “NOT HELPING WONG!”

**IRON MAN CRANKS OUT ANOTHER IRON BABY!**

**STARK PREGNANCY LAWS NOW IN EFFECT**

* * *

“Have you tried a vasectomy Stephen?”

“Tony…please say that’s a fake ultra-sound…”

“Why don’t you tell me that you can regenerate human body parts?!”

**WAND OF FERTILITY STRIKES AGAIN!**

* * *

“Tony…something’s wrong…”

“Stephen…pull out. PULL OUT! OW!”

“I’M TRYING!”

“ARE YOU KNOTTING ME?!”

**STARK BUILDING A BABY EMPIRE**

**WHERE IS THE WAND OF FERTILITY?**

“Who threw out all my tea?!”

“Who got me pregnant?!”

“I’m sorry honey…”

“Don’t touch me!”

* * *

“Well Stephen, I hope you and your hand will be the best of friends now that Stark is pregnant again.” Wong calmly sips on his tea while Stephen is glaring angrily down at his crotch. He can’t believe every possible method of contraception failed. Now at this rate he’ll never have the chance of having sex with his husband again. Tony is still cooling off from the unexpected news. Well at least none of his children are around to hear it. 

Even after having seven beautiful and healthy children. Tony is getting real tired of being pregnant to where he refuses to let his husband sleep in the same bed. Don’t get him wrong, he loves all his kids and his husband is patient and understanding. It’s just that popping out triplets is the last straw and he’s getting old. He’d miss the fantastic sex, but now he just wants to sleep with his now moob-free body. Goodbye milk-jugs and hello to sweet, sweet coffee.

* * *

Stephen can’t believe he’s doing this but if he can have a normal sex life back…

“Listen here. You work for me. I’m the boss and I’m ordering you to not get Tony pregnant!” Pathetic that he’s reduced to talk to his own penis, if word gets out…

“Stephen, are you talking to your dick?” Damn it. Now Tony is going to make fun of him.

“…no?”

Luck is not on Stephen’s side. As soon as Tony walked in their bedroom, Stephen’s dick stood up tall and proud much to Stephen’s shock and displeasure. Tony raised an eyebrow, “Well hello to you too. But you’re still not getting anything from me.”

Stephen’s dick drooped in dejection at hearing the news. Tony’s eyes widen, at this point Stephen groans at the knowledge that his own dick is sentient.

“Tony…please tell my penis that you don’t want to get pregnant anymore.”

Tony is just staring at him. “You mean all this time I could order your dick around?” Stephen’s dick perked up at Tony’s voice. ‘Traitor’ Stephen thought at his dick.

Tony kneels down to Stephen’s crotch, barely an inch away. “Hey, I love what you do and everything. But I don’t want to have any more babies.” Stephen’s dick sags. “I still want to have sex, but no more getting me pregnant. Do you think you can do that for me?” Stephen’s dick nodded enthusiastically. Tony gives it a kiss. “Good boy, maybe later you can do that knotting thing, just no babies. Anything I say about having babies during fun times should not be taken seriously. But how about giving me some coffee flavored dick? ”

“Tony!”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright self-indulgent fun time is over. I figured I should make one non angsty fic before starting on another angsty one. Whichever sparks my interest first.
> 
> You can yell at me here or at my Tumblr at [MetalandFood](https://metalandfood.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Reviews can determine Tony and Stephen's fate...


End file.
